Quick! Dive for cover underneath the duvet and stay there for a week. Get sick....measles, mumps, mono....any of the contagious M words that requires quarantine work just fine! Find a long lost relative that you HAVE to vis....no wait, that one is NOT a good idea!
That's right folks, one of the most hated holidays by a fair number of my fellow human beings is coming up! Its V-Day! No, I'm not talking about V-Day and the defeat of Nazi Germany in WWII. I'm talking about that evil holiday that celebrates coupley love and a guy long dead.....St. Valentines Day!! *shudder*
Now, its not just because I am single that I have this allergic reaction to this holiday. Even on those years that I had a boyfriend over this time period, I still could not stand the holiday. Almost broke up with my Irish boyfriend over this day when I plainly stated that I did NOT want to celebrate it. It puts WAY too many expectations on the other partner, and I do not want that kind of stress!
An example......The search for the perfect card:
Awww, this one is cute...oh god, its too cutesy hes going to think that I am an empty headed bimbo if I pick this card.
Okay, here a humorous one....ha ha ha..that's funny....oh wait! He won't think that I am taking our relationship seriously if I give him this card!
Aha! This one says it all.....spending time together....finding the perfect guy.....ARGH!!!!! Now hes going to think that I am way into him.....what if hes not that much into me as well? He'll feel sorry for me....tell his friends that I am making a fool out of myself over him....no. no. no.
That's it. I won't give him a card..... but what if he gives me a card...I won't have one to give him.....he'll think that I am not interested in him.....AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Any good things in my mind about V-Day? One....I love the little candy conversation hearts! I love lining them up to create totally goof-ball sentences......and chomping away on the silly sentiments like "Be Mine" So sorry....I belong to myself....can't have me *chomp chomp chomp*
And anyways, this can't be a good holiday......it brings out way too many of the deadly sins....
Wrath - How dare you forget to buy me a card and flowers?!?!?
Lust - Ooohh Baby!!!! You be looking gooooooooooood...I'm gonna get me some!
Greed - What else did you get me.....jewelry....perfume....chocolate???
Envy - Mary Jane's boyfriend got her a new necklace...I want to be her
Gluttony - That's it - only one more chocolate....well just one more......
Sloth - Yeah, I'll go get her a card.....maybe tomorrow (the result - see wrath)
Pride - I am the best girlfriend....no one is better than me....in or out of bed.
Okay....I stretched it a bit on finding an example of Pride...but the others are all ones that happen!!
So join me folks on my mad dash for the hills as I try to avoid yet another appearance of this holiday that causes relationships to break down, single people to develop severe depression, marriages to falter, sins to appear and insanity to develop on the card aisles as people start talking to themselves and screaming as they quest for the perfect card!